


outrun the demons

by crvciatvs



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Homophobic Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-08 04:29:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11638929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crvciatvs/pseuds/crvciatvs
Summary: "i love you." the softly spoken words from adam's plush lips never ceased to make mikael feel a rush of gratitude. to have a beautiful, brilliant boy in his arms tell him that he loved him was arguably the best thing that ever happened to him.





	outrun the demons

the lazy sunday afternoon sunshine draped the two boys in light as they lounged on the sofa - arms, legs, bodies twined together. the silence that had been a comforting blanket just a few moments ago threatened to become choking as adam shifted for what was perhaps the fifth time in the last minute.

mikael let out a soft sigh as he lifted his head to look up at adam, whose chest he was laying on, "what's wrong?"

adam raised his eyebrows and smiled unconvincingly, "nothing! i'm fine. what's wrong with you?"

mikael didn't return the smile and instead maintained eye contact, as if beseeching with his eyes for adam to be truthful. after a few moments of silence, mikael said adam's name deadpan, making his smile drop instantly. he exhaled loudly whilst moving his head to look up at the ceiling. he couldn't hide anything from mikael and he hated how vulnerable that made him sometimes. he had thought he was good at hiding his feelings, yet mikael had still seen through his guise.

"it's just that... i mean, it's nothing really..." it was hard for adam to talk to mikael sometimes. he trusted him more than anyone, but there were things he'd never said out loud before and which he never thought he would express to anyone else. that was a time before mikael though. mikael, so loving and calm, who never ceased to surprise adam with his limitless capacity for patience.

instead of urging him to speak mikael stayed silent, merely taking adam's hand in his own and stroking the back of his hand with his thumb. the gesture was so sweet it nearly made adam choke for a second.

"my dad said, last night, that..." adam paused slightly, before letting his thoughts spill out into the silent room, "he said that he hated faggots." mikael inhaled sharply, and adam felt him tense up, but he continued nonetheless. "and all i did was laugh. i was so fucking cowardly that all i could do was laugh. i didn't even say anything."

the shame he felt was so heavy in that moment that he had to blink away tears that sprang to his eyes. "and now i'm fucking crying, as if i wasn't enough of a pussy." he spat the words out, feeling his self hatred wrap hands around his neck and squeeze.

mikael snapped out of his shocked stupor at the sob that wracked adam's body. he sat up fully, and placed both palms on adam's cheek, pulling his head down to face him. "this isn't your fault. don't you dare blame yourself." the words only made adam cry harder, and he pulled his face out of mikael's hands to bury it in his neck.

wrapping both arms around adam, mikael felt tears slip down his cheeks as well. seeing adam in so much pain was the worst thing in the world, and he felt adam's pain like it was own, stabbing him relentlessly. 

"i love you. i love you so much. you're so perfect." mikael whispered furiously into adam's hair, pressing kisses into it to punctuate his words.

mikael knew he couldn't do anything but be here for adam. he held onto him as hard as he could, whispering his adoration. 

after an indeterminable amount of time, adam lifted his head from where it had been pressed on mikael's chest. he sniffed weakly, and wiped his face.

"sorry. sorry for ruining your jumper too." his voice was harsh, each syllable grating. at his words, mikael looked down to see a wet patch spreading on the grey wool.

"don't worry about it, and don't be sorry." he knew his words were only worthless platitudes, so he tightened his arm around adam's waist. 

adam merely shrugged, wiping at the stained jumper with his thumb as if he could clean the wool. 

mikael wasn't used to being the strong one. since their childhood, he'd been the baby, the smallest of all his friends, the one that cried when he scraped his knee, and adam had been fearless, the one that was the first to climb a tree and the one to complete any dare. when they had become boyfriends, on a date mikael couldn't pin down because their friendship had so seamlessly developed into something more, adam had shown a softer side than mikael could have imagined he had. he displayed vulnerability in small ways, through text message rants and whispers in bed at midnight. this brazen show of emotion that mikael saw in front of him was surprising, it was unlike adam to cry in front of him. he was so open with his happiness, but so closed off when he felt down. it sometimes hurt mikael that he wouldn't trust him enough to show all of himself, yet he was well aware of the environment adam had grown up in, where emotions were shunned and seen as weak. for him to be uninhibited with his feelings took an enormous amount of courage, and mikael felt some pride in how far their relationship had come that they could be so outspoken with each other.

"one day..." mikael rarely spoke of their future together, because they both knew how uncertain it was, but this one time he wanted to indulge in fantasies of what could be, "one day we'll live in a huge house and we'll have a dog and i'll never let anyone hurt you. i'm sorry i can't protect you from this pain. just wait for when we move in together, i'm gonna kiss you all the time and you'll never have to feel like this again." 

mikael lunged forward and poked his fingers into adam's side, tickling him unceasingly, making adam squirm and squeal (which he would later deny vehemently).

when mikael pulled back, he felt a rush of pleasure at the twinkle that had returned to adam's eyes and a small smile in place. apart from the slight redness to his eyes, it was hard to tell he'd been weeping just moments before.

in the silence that reigned as they stared at each other, mikael felt warmth spill across his chest. he loved adam so much.

"i love you." the softly spoken words from adam's plush lips never ceased to make mikael feel a rush of gratitude. to have a beautiful, brilliant boy in his arms tell him that he loved him was arguably the best thing that ever happened to him.

mikael nuzzled into the crook of adam's neck as he pushed him down on the sofa to lie on top of him. a warm hand stroked up and down his back, fingers finally settling at the base of his hair.

although he felt reluctant to return to the serious topic now that they were more relaxed, mikael knew he had to say more, "adam... i just want you to know that we'll get through this. even if no one accepts us, i don't care. i couldn't care less. you and the boys are all i need in my life. no one else matters. and you're not a coward for protecting yourself, and you're not a pussy for crying. i want to know every part of you, and i want to be there with you during all the hard times. just like you're always there for me. and uh... i love you."

there was a moment of stillness, before a wide grin spread across adam's face. to see joy be so clearly shown on his face after one of his lowest moments, because of what mikael had said made him feel indomitable in that moment.

"did you steal that from one of those fucking indie movies you and even always watch?" adam's snarky tone, coupled with his signature smirk, was irresistible to mikael. he looped his arms around the taller one's neck and leant in for a sweet kiss. 

"wouldn't you like to know?" he felt adam's fingers brush away his hair from his face, and he leant into the touch automatically. 

their relationship would never be easy; that much was clear to the both of them. but in these stolen moments just for them, they had never felt greater peace or love for each other. simply staring into the other's eyes, which would've once seemed so intimate for them, now felt like sinking into a warm bath - comforting and soothing. it was in these quiet times that all their worries slipped away; all that remained was pure adoration. if no one else agreed with their relationship, what did it matter to them? they had one another, and that was more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> any feedback you have is much appreciated 
> 
> thank you for reading 
> 
> xx
> 
> (title is from bad religion by frank ocean but it is also a common saying so)


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